A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door of the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could speak, the salesman barged into the living room and opened a big plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s ....!" exclaimed the salesman.
"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that?" asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"
"There's no electricity in the house." said the lady.
>>>
>>>要评估自己的性格，请看看以下的图
>>>片，并选出你最喜爱的一张。
>>>
>>>这些图片是科学家跟一位心理学家一
>>>起合作的成果，并且经过历时几年的
>>>全球性测试，他们收到这个研究的响
>>>应之后，再小心地调较各个图片的颜
>>>色及形状，然后再次进行测试，直至
>>>他们得到这些非常成功的图片，这些
>>>图片代表了九种不同的性格。
>>>
>>>据称这是全球最准确的性格测试。希
>>>望你喜欢这个测 验！
>>>快来看看你们的性格如何吧。测试图
>>>片如下，最好在5秒钟内选出你喜欢
>>>的图片，不要犹豫!
>>>附件此主题相关图片
>>>1.无忧无虑，顽皮，愉快的人
>>>你喜欢自由自在，无拘无束的生活。
>>>你的座右铭是：生命只能活一次，因此你尽量享受每一刻。
>>>你好奇心旺盛，对新事物抱有开放的态度；你向往改变，讨厌束缚。
>>>你觉得身边的环境都不断在变，而且经常为你带来惊喜。
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>2. 独立，前卫，不受拘束
>>>你追求自由及不受拘束，自我的生活。
>>>你的工作及消闲活动都与艺术有关。
>>>你对于自由的渴求有时候会使你做出令人出人意表的事。
>>>你的生活方式极具个人色彩；你永远不会盲目追逐潮流。
>>>相反地，你会根据自己的意思和信念去生活，就算是逆流而上也在所不惜。
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>3. 时常自我反省,敏感的思想家
>>>你对于自己及四周的环境能够比一般人控制得更好更彻底。
>>>你讨厌表面化及肤浅的东西；你宁愿独自一人也不愿跟别人闲谈，但你跟朋友的关
> 系
>>>却非常深入，这令你的心境保持和谐安逸。
>>>你不介意长时间独自一人，而且绝少会觉得沉闷。
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>4. 务实，头脑清醒，和谐
>>>你作风自然，喜欢简单的东西。
>>>人们欣赏你脚踏实地，他们觉得你稳重，值得信赖。
>>>你能够给予身边的人安全感，你给人一种亲切，温暖的感觉。
>>>你对于俗气的，花花绿绿的东西都不屑一顾，对时装潮流抱着怀疑的态度；
>>>对于你来说，衣服必须是实用及大方得体的。
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>5. 专业，实事求事，自信
>>>你掌管自己的生活，你相信自己的能力多于相信命运的安排。
>>>你以实际，简单的方式去解决问题。
>>>你对日常生活中所遇到的事物抱有现实的睇法，并且能够应付自如。
>>>人们知道你可担重任，因此都放心把大量工作交给你处理。
>>>你那坚强的意志使你时刻都充满信心。
>>>未达到自己的目标之前，你绝不罢休。
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>6. 温和，谨慎，无攻击性
>>>你生性随和，但处事谨慎。
>>>你很容易认识朋友，但同时享受你的私人时间及独立生活。
>>>有时候，你会从人群中抽身而出，一个人静静地思考生活的意义，并自娱一番。
>>>你需要个人的空间，因此有时会隐匿于美梦当中，但你并不是一个爱孤独的人。
>>>你跟自己及这个世界都能够和陆共处，而你对现状亦非常满意。
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>7. 具分析力，可靠，自信
>>>你对事物的灵敏度令你可以发现到旁人忽略了的东西。
>>>这些就是你的宝石，你喜欢发掘这些美好的东西。
>>>你的教养对于你的生活有很特别的影响。
>>>你有自己高雅独特的一套，无视任何时装潮流。
>>>你的理想生活是优雅而愉快的，而你亦希望跟你接触的人们都是高雅而有教养的。
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>8. 浪漫，爱幻想，情绪化
>>>你是一个感性的人。你拒绝只从一个严肃，理智的角度去理解事物。
>>>你的感觉亦十分重要。事实上，你觉得人生必需要有梦想才叫活得充实。
>>>你不接受那些轻视浪漫主义及被理智牵着鼻子走的人；
>>>而且不会让任何事物影响到你那丰富的感情及情绪。
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>9. 精力充沛，好动，外向
>>>你不介意冒险，特别喜欢有趣的，多元化的工作。
>>>相比之下，例行公事及惯例会令你没精打采。
>>>你最兴奋的是可以积极参与任何比赛活动，因为这样你就可以在众人面前大显身手
>>>了。
In an archery contest, when the prize is earthenware a contestant shoots with skill. When the prize is a belt buckle, he becomes hesitant, and when the prize is pure gold he becomes nervous and confused. There is no difference as to his skill but, because there is something he desires, he allows outward considerations to weigh on his mind.
Those who consider external things important are become weak within. - Chuang-Tzu
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about Britain in the1500s:
These are interesting...
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water.
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying . It's raining cats and dogs.
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh hold.
(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old..
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.
Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !
Can you add any more “Truths” to this list?
Educate someone. Share these facts and challenge a friend.
PS (a) Uninvited guests got the cold shoulder. The meat that was hung from the rafters as left overs from the previous few days meals.
Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at college that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"
"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000.
About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. "So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks. "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"
"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"
Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money.
The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street ?'
The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
Ever hear the story of the giant ship engine that failed?
The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure out how to fix the engine. Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a youngster. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work.
He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom. Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer
away. The engine was fixed!
A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars. "What?" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!" So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."
The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer $2.00
Knowing where to tap $9998.00
________________________
Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life makes all the difference.
________________________
Quote 2:
One of the most memorable case studies I came across on Japanese management was the case of the empty soap box, which happened in one of Japan 's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soap box that was empty.
Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soap box went through the assembly line empty.
Management asked its engineers to solve the problem. The engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed
through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and fast but they have to spend many hours looking at boxes.
But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc. but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.
________________________
Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problem. Learn to focus on solutions not on problems. Be simple, solve simply
A man goes to confession, sits down and tells the priest, "Forgive me
Father, for I have sinned."
"What was your sin, my son?" the priest asked.
"Obscene language," the man replied.
"That's a terrible sin," the priest replied. "Do you swear often?"
"No," answered the man, "but do you know the local golf course?"
"Indeed I do," said the priest
"I play there often. When I was on the tee at the fourth hole, the long
par three, I hit one of the best drives of my life. It must have gone 220
yards on the fly, straight down the middle, took one bounce, and then hit
a sprinkler head and bounced off into the bush."
"I'm not surprised that you swore," said the priest, "If that had happened
to me..."
"No, I didn't swear then. The shot I had hit was a great one and the
bounce was just the luck of the game. When I checked the position of my
ball, I realized that I still had a chance of making par. The ball was on
a hardpan lie, and there was a small gap through the trees for me to have
a shot at the green. I really should have taken the safe option and just
played out sideways to the fairway, but I had hit such a great drive that
my confidence was high."
The man continued, "I was still about 200 yards from the green, so I took
a five wood from the bag, positioned the ball back in my stance to keep it
low and hopefully get under the trees, told myself to forget about all the
hazards and just imagine the ball on the green, and played the shot. Even
using the wood, I nipped the ball perfectly off the hard lie, the ball
kept low as I planned, and flew straight as a die toward the green, took
one bounce onto the green, hit the flagstick and bounced off sideways into
that deep pot bunker to the right of the green."
"My son, my son," said the priest; "I'm ready to forgive you already. That
would have made a saint swear."
"No father," said the man, "I didn't swear then. I realized that I had
just played two perfect shots and only bad luck had stopped me from
getting the result I deserved. When I saw my ball, I thought that all my
hopes of making par had disappeared. It was lying right against the face
of a five-foot deep bunker with very little green to work with, and I
really should have gone out sideways, but after the two good shots, I was
feeling confident. I took my sand iron out, opened the clubface fully,
aimed the ball about six feet left of the pin and played the shot. The
ball popped almost straight up in the air, landed on the green, and the
spin on the ball dragged it back to four inches from the pin."
"F#?!ing hell!" said the priest, "don't tell me you missed a four-inch
putt!"
eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of
water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of
him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it
is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast
is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the
morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious.
Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye
when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she
tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm
married!"
A self-induced hangover - $100.00
Broken furniture - $200.00
Breakfast - $10.00
Saying the right thing at the right time - Priceless
Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new holes.
--------------
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if it
doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.
--------------
Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When
the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology.
--------------
Q: What's the height of recycling?A: Sending a sanitary napkin for dry cleaning.
--------------
Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a dayas I have advised?
A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.
--------------
Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquitoenters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?!!!!!!!!!!!!
A: The boy friend's hand.
--------------
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzanremoved his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front".
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